Stress period arrived...

Why am I always stress out so easily? Why am I always not well prepared? DAMN... I want to chill out... After this assignment, I'm gonna boost on my revision. But before revision take place, I think I need a good rest. So saturday and sunday is my day off. I'll start my revision on monday. Angeline u must start before it is too late. You'll be super duple stress out later when time comes.... work hard... move on... You'll grad on time, this time. understand? move move move....

人質

我和你啊　存在一種危險關係
彼此挾持　這另一部分的自己
本以為這完整了愛的定義
那就乖乖的守護著你

相愛變成　猜忌懷疑的爛遊戲
規則是要　憋著呼吸越靠越近
但你的溫柔　是我唯一沉溺
你是愛我的　就不怕有縫隙
在我心上用力的開一槍
讓一切歸零　在這聲巨響
如果愛是說什麼都不能放
我不掙扎　反正我也　沒差

人質在這一刻得到釋放
相愛的純粹落得如此下場
你滿意嗎　我們都別　說謊

words...

Words that i can't anyone. Words that i kept in my heart for all this time. Words that i need to release it, before I just break and fall apart inside me.

I hate my relationship. It always makes me feel crappy. Why must we all suffer? I hate it. I really FUXK UP in my relationship! WE've being together 5 years- 2 years together and 3 years apart. I'm at australia and you're in m'sia- 8 hours flight! Damn, is this the only difference between us? Nope, for sure. There are more than this we should take care of.

Ｗｅ　ｈａｖｅ　ｄｉｆｆｅｒｅｎｔ　ｐｅｒｓｐｅｃｔｉｖｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ａｒｇｕｍｅｎｔ　ａｒｉｓｅ．　Ｄａｍｎ！　Ｉ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ａｒｇｕｍｅｎｔ　ｉｓ　ｃａｓｕａｌ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｉｎ　ａ　ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐ．　Ｗｈｙ　ｍｕｓｔ　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｉｎ？　Ｐｐｌ　ｕｓｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ，　ｉｆ　ｙｏｕ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｐａｒｔｎｅｒ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｈｅ／ｓｈｅ　ｄｏｅｓ；　ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ　ｓｕｆｆｅｒ　ｌｏｔｓ．　Ｉ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ　ｉｔ　ｎｏｗ．　Ｂｕｔ　Ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｎｏｔ　ｃｌｅａｒ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｍｙ　ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇｓ　ｒｉｇｈｔ　ｎｏｗ．　Ｄｏ　ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｏｒ　ｈａｔｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｍｏｒｅ？　Ｉ　ｈａｔｅ　ｉｔ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｈｏｗ　ｍｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆａｃｅ－ｋｉｎｄａ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｕｐ　ｂ＇ｃｕｚ　ｙｏｕ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｉ＇ｍ　ｈｏｐｅｌｅｓｓ？Ａｍ　Ｉ　ｔｈａｔ　ｂａｄ　ｔｈｏ？　ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｉｍｐｏｓｓｉｂｌｅ，　ｉ　ｒｅｃｋｏｎ．　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｎｏｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｗｏｒｓｔ　ｔｙｐｅ　ｏｆ　ｇｉｒｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｃａｎ　ｆｉｎｄ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｗｏｒｌｄ．Ｔｈｉｓ　ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｓｈｉｔ！　Ｉｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｄｏｅｓ．　

ＢＴＷ，　Ｉ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｆｉｇｈｔ　ａｎｙ　ｌｏｎｇｅｒ．．．　ｓｉｃｋ　ｏｆ　ａｌｌ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｓｈｉｔｓ．　Ｉ　ｒａｔｈｅｒ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｕｐ　ｏｎ　ｕｓ，　ｉｆ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｍｕｓｔ　ｂｅ　ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｅ．　Ｉ　ｒｅｃｋｏｎ　Ｉ＇ｖｅ　ｗｏｒｊ　ｈａｒｄ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐ．　Ｉ　ｔｒｉｅｄ　ｍｙ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｔｏ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｗｈａｔｅｖｅｒ　ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ．　

Ｙｏｕ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ，　ｙｏｕ＇ｒｅｓｏ　ｓｅｌｆ－ｃｅｎｔｒｅｄ．Ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｍｉｎｄ，　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ　ａｒｅ　ｊｕｓｔ　ａ　ｃｈｅｓｓ　ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｗｏｒｌｄ．　Ｎｏ　ｏｎｅ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ｉｍｐｏｒｔａｎｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｙｏｕ　ｉｎｃｌｕｄｅｓ　ｍｅ．　Ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｔｈａｔ　ａｎｄ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｂａｄ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ．　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ａｖｏｉｄ　ｔｏ　ｍｅｎｔｉｏｎｅｄ　ｔｈａｔ　ｃｕｚ　Ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｉｔ　ｃａｎ　ｈｕｒｔ　ｍｅ　ｂａｄｌｙ．　Ｉ＇ｍａｃｔｉｎｇ　ｌｉｋｅ　ａｎ　ｏｓｔｒｉｃｈ－ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｃｏｖｅｒｅｄ　ｍｙ　ｈｅａｄ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｓａｎｄｓ　ａｎｄ　ｐｒｅｔｅｎｄ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｓｏ　ｓｔｕｐｉｄ　ｏｆ　ｍｅ．　Ｔｉｌｌ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｌｅａｒｎ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｓｔｒｏｎｇ？　Ｔｉｌｌ　ｗｈｅｎ　Ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ｉｎｄｅｐｅｎｄｅｎｔ？　Ｉ　ｒｅｌｙ　ｔｏｏｏ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｏｎ　ｙｏｕ，　ｔｉｌｌ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｔｏｔａｌｌｙ　ｆｒｅａｋ　ｏｕｔ　ｔｏ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ｔｈａｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｗｏｎ＇ｔ　ｂｅ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｅ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ．Ｉ　ｂｅｇ　ｆｏｒ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆｏｒｇｉｖｅｎｅｓｓ．　Ｉ　ｂｅｇ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ　ｓｏ　ｄｅｓｐｅｒａｔｅｌｙ　ｔｉｌｌ　Ｉ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｍｙ　ｐｒｉｄｅ　ａｎｄ　ｄｉｇｎｉｔｙ．　Ｙｏｕ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｐｕｓｈｅｓ　ｔｏ　ｍｕｃｈ－Ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔａｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　ｌｏｖｅｓ　ｍｅ．　Ａｌｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｗａｎｔｓ　ｉｓ　ａ　ｐｕｐｐｅｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｄｏ　ａｎｄ　ｄｏｅｓ　ｔｈｉｎｇｓ　ｏｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆａｖｏｒ．　Ｔｈｅｙ　ｈａｖｅ　ｎｏ　ｌｉｆｅ，　ｎｏ　ｆｕｎ　ａｎｄ　ｎｏ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｂｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｉｄｅａｌ　ｐａｒｔｎｅｒ，　ａｍ　Ｉ　ｒｉｇｈｔ？　

Ｕｎｆｏｒｔｕｎａｔｅｌｙ，　Ｉ＇ｍｊｕｓｔ　ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ　ｌａｙ　ｍａｎ，　ｗｉｔｈ　ｓｅｌｆｉｓｈ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ　ａｎｄ　ｎｅｅｄｓ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｍｅ　ｔｏｏ．　Ｉ　ｃａｎ＇ｔｇｉｖｅ　ｉｎ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｙ　ｗｈｏｌｅ　ｌｉｆｅ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｏ　ｐａｍｐｅｒｅｄ　ｍｅ　ｔｏｏ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｙｏｕ　ｋｎｏｗ．　Ｗｉｌｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｒｙ　ｔｏ　ｆｉｔ　ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｓｈｏｅｓ？Ｃａｎ＇ｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｂｅ　ａ　ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｃａｒｉｎｇ？　Ｗｈｙ　ｃａｎ＇ｔ　ｙｏｕ？　Ｉｔ　ｍａｋｅｓ　ｍｅ　ｓｏ　ｈａｒｄ　ｔｏ　ｔａｌｋ　ｔｏ　ｙｏｕ，　ｗｈｅｎ　ｙｏｕ＇ｒｅ　ｏｎ　ｓｕｃｈ　ａ　ｈｉｇｈ　ｐｉｔｃｈ．　Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｈａｔｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｈｏｕｔｉｎｇ　ａｔ　ｍｅ．．．　　

we'll move on together...

My dearest sis,

From young till now, i'm always the trouble maker. I always knew, she'll always be there for me. No matter how far she is, when I needed her, she'll be there. I always felt secured inside with the present of her in my life. Now, I hope i can do something for her. I want to warmth her up. I hope I can do it, with all my heart and the love i can give. You're always on my first place. I'll always love you. I knew you need to be tough to go thru all this shits. As you've felt so strong that it is worth it, then work on it. I've faith on you. Trust yourself, you can make it. With all the love I have for you, we both can overcome all shits that happens from now on.... We'll grow to be tough and strong. We can hold our hands tight to fight with our life. Make every of the challenges worth it. okay? I love you. I wish all the best for you in life.

From you beloved sis-
Deviline.

Scolding means... caring?

We Chinese believe, when someone scolded you, means that they do care about you. They show their concern on you. Although, I reckon that it is correct, it is still hurting when the scolding is on wrong timing.

I lost my purse, I'm so messed up and I try to find a place for comfort. All I have when i get to reach people at that moment was scolding and blaming.

Today, I get a call from daddy- he sounds so nice. I know he is angry as well but he just speak it through. Thank you, dad. When my dad passed it to mom, she yelled at me. This is really hurting. She said, "serve you right, always being so careless and I'm worried about you and your future. I think you gonna failed for your subjects. You better stop from your study, since it is worthless. ' At this very moment, I have mixed feeling. I know she say this without really thinking of the outcome of it. She might not even noticed she hurts me so deeply. I've loss to make an effort to tell her I found my purse again- I'm lucky enough. I just stay silent and listened to all she has to say. Me thinking silently, in the purse, all the money is my money, mom. I earned them with my labor work. After I lost them, I'm crying- inside me as well. I tried so hard to pretend that I don't care and I will work harder to earn it back. I know how hard daddy works for us. I know more than you do. I know daddy is struggling for us, mom. Bare with me 2 more years, I can do it as well. I'll earn all you gave and pay you back. I'm aiming for it. I'm trying really hard. When you said those words, it hurts, it really does. I can feel as if the knife stabbed right into my heart.

Deep down inside me is full of scar, you didn't realize that all her words do count and accumulates. I hope not to mentally breakdown. This is not the first time for all this hurtful words and i know it won't be the last time. I'm trying to avoid to hear all this words, therefore being in-denial serve the best. This is so pathetic isn't it? I should forget the negative side of it and move on.

Why can't people think ways in both sides? Why they always blame you before they know the truth?

Mom, I'm sorry to spend more than you expected to- grow me up. I'll for sure pay back, no matter how hard it takes. I swear, I'll repay you even it take a life time. Dad, I always do feel guilty for you, there is no doubt on that- I'm sorry again. I bet you'll not have such a daughter like me in your next life- I wished you to have a good life. Sorry that I've to always burdened you. This will be the last I've ever need from you dad, please bare with me. It is coming to an end for sure.

Folks, always think at the the pros and cons. Nothing can ever be perfect.

I lost my purse..!

WTH, really unbelievable... shits do happen, unexpectedly. I really can't understand why this happen on me. This is annoying and frustrating! I lost my purse when I'm actually enjoying a day trip at Sydney. I'm not sure whether it is a pick pocket or I drop it. Damn... This is the worst feeling ever I had. However, I'm blessed there are friends to guide me what to do. Call to bank and credit cards company to de-activate the cards. This is really shitty. At least, I'm not losing sth important, i suppose.

This teach us, to keep an eye on everything, you might have it this minute but lose it unnoticed the next seconds. God damn it!

Give me my purse back! pls.... I beg for some mercy...

freestyle at brisbane...

This is a super duper YUM desert i ever had. It is a cafe named "FREESTYLE," that serve extraordinary YUM deserts. I mean some of them. For sure, I'll show you some nice picture that I've snapped.

Yes, aren't they pretty. They're, indeed, delicious. Although it fulfilled my appetite, it makes me feel guilty after having them. I can imagine how much sugar and fat the food content and the extra calories I'm having. No doubt that I've gained some weight. They're irresistible, indulgence of life- chocolate, lollies, ice-cream and etc. They're all high in sugar and fat, I've named them as "DEVIL's FOOD!" They are like the devils in real life that makes me gain lots n lots of weight!