Proposed... "in my dream..."

it does bothers me a fair bit, by thinking what my future husband gonna be? how will he proposed? Will it be in a casual speaking? Or he'll do sth that it is memorable?

I hope it can be sth special and sweet.
I used to ask my bf, my future, can it be this or that? there is no other answers with only one exception is that he'll say, "If I have the money, anything will be fine." This really turns me off. I know what ever it is gonna be, it'll cost you some money. But even it is in a cheapest way, if it is personally decorated and tailored made, who cares if it is just in a casual dinner. At least, you do sth. say something sweet. It can be in a garden, make it "TAMAN NEGARA." Fair enough?

For god sake, just plan and think of sth that can impress ur love one. is it that hard?
I remembered, my first valentine, is at GENTING casino with him and "frenz"... like a bunch of them. without anything interesting happening. I've been waiting all night long- hoping sth might happen, but none. My first birthday present, i get a cell phone, which is unexpected, but i wish for sth else, such as flowers.

Eventually, after several talks and mumbling, i get a bunch of roses. This really cheers me up heaps. Then, when i go overseas, everything back to nil. I think in his deep thoughts, i'm just a materialistic girl. I'm pretty sure cause no matter what i say, he is repeating himself with the sentence, " If got money, anything will fine." This really shits me out. He got me a pricy watch, TITUS, but it is at least 1-2 weeks after my birthday. if I'm not wrong he bought my birthday present, right on day, i suppose. If I'm lucky enough, I can get it on time (only if I'm in M'sia). This happen at previous year, by the way, i get a swatch. He bought it on the day- my birthday.

Yeah and this is how bad it can be. I don't know do i deserve this. But yes... I know he love me, i know he care, but this is just not the right way. I hope sometime, he just have a plan on our celebration. We've been together for 4 years, we've not planned before.

I'm here at Australia, he is back home (M'sia). i know it is hard to plan things out. But even we get the chance together, valentine or our anniversary- these special dates will forever be empty- just like normal. I always waited till the last minute, to give him a chance to invite me out. But it always end out that, i suggested to have dinner. This is how things always goes about in between us. Why must i always be the one that care about all this? This is unfair. I hope things can change, and god knows maybe one day he can have a plan. I don't need expensive food and celebration, i want it to be romantic, sweet and nice.

Now, I'm thinking that it is time to chill down, and clear up my mind. Maybe this is not important for him - special dates. It is just another day for him. OR maybe this is my problem. Who really cares these dates? I'm suppressing myself to not think of all this shit that will screw my day off.

So, people, cheer up, even ur partner is not going to cheer you up. You live for yourself, and make good use of your precious time. It can't be bother when he is not going to share the joy or sadness with you. Old folks use to say, " the higher you r expectation, the higher your disappointment will be." Which is quite true. Don't expect too much. You'll be the only one who feel the pain.

Cheers, folks~~ sleep tight.