Another runaway~ WOHOO!

It is not the first time but will be the last time.

If this is serious, I'll be more than happy. Just please go away and don't come home.
This is your decision and I do respect y0u as an adult. I reckon all action is done after a deep analyze. Thus, you should know everyone should take a full responsible on their own acts. If this is good for you, please do help yourself, the door is just right in front of you. Go away from us, if this is the best way. Maybe this is not a good solution. I reckon it will be the best solution for now but.

I hate you people. You all ruin my life. You STOPPED us being happy. You'll not have a good prospect in the rest of your life. IDIOTS that create trouble and do not resolve it. Such a reckless middle aged man. Just know how to demand, but not thinking of what he has give in. FXXX OFF! Before you ask for sth, please do think that do you worth for it? Stupid asshole.

Being critical... that is the only way.

I think critical thinking is making its way to our life.
People used to says, "love is blind." I don't belief it anymore, when it comes back to reality, love is not blind anymore... We must be down on earth about how is the LOVE we think, gonna work out in our life.
I don't think I can find the dream lover, but I'm able to have a reliable partner.
We used to ask each other, among our friends, will you like you're couple to love you more than you love him/her? Some one prefer to be loved, whereas the others prefer to love. I think I prefer to be loved- it is selfish, i reckon. If you love one more, you'll be more vulnerable to get hurt than anyone in the relationship- my rationale. I know the best way is equal love, but this equal relationship will not exist. To give in or compromise all time, will eventually have a massive explosion, I deeply belief on.
I'm in doubt on us, will you be the one? Will I being able to give up everythg and walk to you? All these question will not be answered. There is no rooms for us to discuss about all this, we'll always end up in big fights. Thus, I avoid it all time- I know I shouldn't. But all I know is that I have my own burden to bare on, I need my rooms to breath in fresh air. If there is too much restrictions, it is like suffocating me.
My dear boy, can you please think in my point of view? I love you, but I can't compromised any further. MY LIMITS GETs BEYOND WHAT I COULD GIVE. Don't demand too much, I'm no different- I'm just another lay person.
I really hope things will work, but if it doesn't- no complains. We're different after all.

Stress period arrived...

Why am I always stress out so easily? Why am I always not well prepared? DAMN... I want to chill out... After this assignment, I'm gonna boost on my revision. But before revision take place, I think I need a good rest. So saturday and sunday is my day off. I'll start my revision on monday. Angeline u must start before it is too late. You'll be super duple stress out later when time comes.... work hard... move on... You'll grad on time, this time. understand? move move move....

人質

我和你啊　存在一種危險關係
彼此挾持　這另一部分的自己
本以為這完整了愛的定義
那就乖乖的守護著你

相愛變成　猜忌懷疑的爛遊戲
規則是要　憋著呼吸越靠越近
但你的溫柔　是我唯一沉溺
你是愛我的　就不怕有縫隙
在我心上用力的開一槍
讓一切歸零　在這聲巨響
如果愛是說什麼都不能放
我不掙扎　反正我也　沒差

人質在這一刻得到釋放
相愛的純粹落得如此下場
你滿意嗎　我們都別　說謊

words...

Words that i can't anyone. Words that i kept in my heart for all this time. Words that i need to release it, before I just break and fall apart inside me.

I hate my relationship. It always makes me feel crappy. Why must we all suffer? I hate it. I really FUXK UP in my relationship! WE've being together 5 years- 2 years together and 3 years apart. I'm at australia and you're in m'sia- 8 hours flight! Damn, is this the only difference between us? Nope, for sure. There are more than this we should take care of.

Ｗｅ　ｈａｖｅ　ｄｉｆｆｅｒｅｎｔ　ｐｅｒｓｐｅｃｔｉｖｅｓ　ａｎｄ　ａｒｇｕｍｅｎｔ　ａｒｉｓｅ．　Ｄａｍｎ！　Ｉ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ａｒｇｕｍｅｎｔ　ｉｓ　ｃａｓｕａｌ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｉｎ　ａ　ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐ．　Ｗｈｙ　ｍｕｓｔ　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｉｎ？　Ｐｐｌ　ｕｓｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ，　ｉｆ　ｙｏｕ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｐａｒｔｎｅｒ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｈｅ／ｓｈｅ　ｄｏｅｓ；　ｙｏｕ＇ｌｌ　ｓｕｆｆｅｒ　ｌｏｔｓ．　Ｉ　ｂｅｌｉｅｖｅ　ｉｔ　ｎｏｗ．　Ｂｕｔ　Ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｎｏｔ　ｃｌｅａｒ　ｗｉｔｈ　ｍｙ　ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇｓ　ｒｉｇｈｔ　ｎｏｗ．　Ｄｏ　ｉ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｏｒ　ｈａｔｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｍｏｒｅ？　Ｉ　ｈａｔｅ　ｉｔ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｈｏｗ　ｍｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆａｃｅ－ｋｉｎｄａ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｕｐ　ｂ＇ｃｕｚ　ｙｏｕ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｉ＇ｍ　ｈｏｐｅｌｅｓｓ？Ａｍ　Ｉ　ｔｈａｔ　ｂａｄ　ｔｈｏ？　ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｉｍｐｏｓｓｉｂｌｅ，　ｉ　ｒｅｃｋｏｎ．　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｎｏｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｗｏｒｓｔ　ｔｙｐｅ　ｏｆ　ｇｉｒｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｃａｎ　ｆｉｎｄ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｗｏｒｌｄ．Ｔｈｉｓ　ｆｅｅｌｓ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｓｈｉｔ！　Ｉｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｄｏｅｓ．　

ＢＴＷ，　Ｉ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｗａｎｔ　ｔｏ　ｆｉｇｈｔ　ａｎｙ　ｌｏｎｇｅｒ．．．　ｓｉｃｋ　ｏｆ　ａｌｌ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｓｈｉｔｓ．　Ｉ　ｒａｔｈｅｒ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｕｐ　ｏｎ　ｕｓ，　ｉｆ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｍｕｓｔ　ｂｅ　ｃｏｎｔｉｎｕｅ．　Ｉ　ｒｅｃｋｏｎ　Ｉ＇ｖｅ　ｗｏｒｊ　ｈａｒｄ　ｅｎｏｕｇｈ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐ．　Ｉ　ｔｒｉｅｄ　ｍｙ　ｂｅｓｔ　ｔｏ　ｇｉｖｅ　ｗｈａｔｅｖｅｒ　ｉ　ｃｏｕｌｄ．　

Ｙｏｕ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｎｅｖｅｒ　ｃｈａｎｇｅ，　ｙｏｕ＇ｒｅｓｏ　ｓｅｌｆ－ｃｅｎｔｒｅｄ．Ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｍｉｎｄ，　ｅｖｅｒｙｏｎｅ　ａｒｅ　ｊｕｓｔ　ａ　ｃｈｅｓｓ　ｉｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｗｏｒｌｄ．　Ｎｏ　ｏｎｅ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ｉｍｐｏｒｔａｎｔ　ｆｏｒ　ｙｏｕ　ｉｎｃｌｕｄｅｓ　ｍｅ．　Ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｔｈａｔ　ａｎｄ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｂａｄ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ．　Ｉ　ａｌｗａｙｓ　ａｖｏｉｄ　ｔｏ　ｍｅｎｔｉｏｎｅｄ　ｔｈａｔ　ｃｕｚ　Ｉ　ｋｎｅｗ　ｉｔ　ｃａｎ　ｈｕｒｔ　ｍｅ　ｂａｄｌｙ．　Ｉ＇ｍａｃｔｉｎｇ　ｌｉｋｅ　ａｎ　ｏｓｔｒｉｃｈ－ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｃｏｖｅｒｅｄ　ｍｙ　ｈｅａｄ　ｉｎ　ｔｈｅ　ｓａｎｄｓ　ａｎｄ　ｐｒｅｔｅｎｄ　ｔｏ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｎｏｔｈｉｎｇ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｉｓ　ｓｏ　ｓｔｕｐｉｄ　ｏｆ　ｍｅ．　Ｔｉｌｌ　ｗｈｅｎ　ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｔｏ　ｌｅａｒｎ　ｔｏ　ｂｅ　ｓｔｒｏｎｇ？　Ｔｉｌｌ　ｗｈｅｎ　Ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｂｅ　ｉｎｄｅｐｅｎｄｅｎｔ？　Ｉ　ｒｅｌｙ　ｔｏｏｏ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｏｎ　ｙｏｕ，　ｔｉｌｌ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｉ＇ｍ　ｔｏｔａｌｌｙ　ｆｒｅａｋ　ｏｕｔ　ｔｏ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｈｉｎｋ　ｔｈａｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｗｏｎ＇ｔ　ｂｅ　ｔｈｅｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｅ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ．Ｉ　ｂｅｇ　ｆｏｒ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆｏｒｇｉｖｅｎｅｓｓ．　Ｉ　ｂｅｇ　ｆｏｒ　ｉｔ　ｓｏ　ｄｅｓｐｅｒａｔｅｌｙ　ｔｉｌｌ　Ｉ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｔｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｌｏｓｔ　ｍｙ　ｐｒｉｄｅ　ａｎｄ　ｄｉｇｎｉｔｙ．　Ｙｏｕ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｐｕｓｈｅｓ　ｔｏ　ｍｕｃｈ－Ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｄｏｎ＇ｔａｃｔｕａｌｌｙ　ｌｏｖｅｓ　ｍｅ．　Ａｌｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｗａｎｔｓ　ｉｓ　ａ　ｐｕｐｐｅｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｄｏ　ａｎｄ　ｄｏｅｓ　ｔｈｉｎｇｓ　ｏｎ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｆａｖｏｒ．　Ｔｈｅｙ　ｈａｖｅ　ｎｏ　ｌｉｆｅ，　ｎｏ　ｆｕｎ　ａｎｄ　ｎｏ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ．　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｂｅ　ｙｏｕｒ　ｉｄｅａｌ　ｐａｒｔｎｅｒ，　ａｍ　Ｉ　ｒｉｇｈｔ？　

Ｕｎｆｏｒｔｕｎａｔｅｌｙ，　Ｉ＇ｍｊｕｓｔ　ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ　ｌａｙ　ｍａｎ，　ｗｉｔｈ　ｓｅｌｆｉｓｈ　ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ　ａｎｄ　ｎｅｅｄｓ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅｏｎｅ　ｔｈａｔ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｍｅ　ｔｏｏ．　Ｉ　ｃａｎ＇ｔｇｉｖｅ　ｉｎ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｙ　ｗｈｏｌｅ　ｌｉｆｅ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｏｎｅ　ｔｏ　ｐａｍｐｅｒｅｄ　ｍｅ　ｔｏｏ．　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｔｈａｎ　ｙｏｕ　ｋｎｏｗ．　Ｗｉｌｌ　ｙｏｕ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｒｙ　ｔｏ　ｆｉｔ　ｉｎ　ｍｙ　ｓｈｏｅｓ？Ｃａｎ＇ｔ　ｙｏｕ　ｂｅ　ａ　ｌｉｔｔｌｅ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｃａｒｉｎｇ？　Ｗｈｙ　ｃａｎ＇ｔ　ｙｏｕ？　Ｉｔ　ｍａｋｅｓ　ｍｅ　ｓｏ　ｈａｒｄ　ｔｏ　ｔａｌｋ　ｔｏ　ｙｏｕ，　ｗｈｅｎ　ｙｏｕ＇ｒｅ　ｏｎ　ｓｕｃｈ　ａ　ｈｉｇｈ　ｐｉｔｃｈ．　Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｈａｔｅ　ｙｏｕ　ｓｈｏｕｔｉｎｇ　ａｔ　ｍｅ．．．　　

we'll move on together...

My dearest sis,

From young till now, i'm always the trouble maker. I always knew, she'll always be there for me. No matter how far she is, when I needed her, she'll be there. I always felt secured inside with the present of her in my life. Now, I hope i can do something for her. I want to warmth her up. I hope I can do it, with all my heart and the love i can give. You're always on my first place. I'll always love you. I knew you need to be tough to go thru all this shits. As you've felt so strong that it is worth it, then work on it. I've faith on you. Trust yourself, you can make it. With all the love I have for you, we both can overcome all shits that happens from now on.... We'll grow to be tough and strong. We can hold our hands tight to fight with our life. Make every of the challenges worth it. okay? I love you. I wish all the best for you in life.

From you beloved sis-
Deviline.

Scolding means... caring?

We Chinese believe, when someone scolded you, means that they do care about you. They show their concern on you. Although, I reckon that it is correct, it is still hurting when the scolding is on wrong timing.

I lost my purse, I'm so messed up and I try to find a place for comfort. All I have when i get to reach people at that moment was scolding and blaming.

Today, I get a call from daddy- he sounds so nice. I know he is angry as well but he just speak it through. Thank you, dad. When my dad passed it to mom, she yelled at me. This is really hurting. She said, "serve you right, always being so careless and I'm worried about you and your future. I think you gonna failed for your subjects. You better stop from your study, since it is worthless. ' At this very moment, I have mixed feeling. I know she say this without really thinking of the outcome of it. She might not even noticed she hurts me so deeply. I've loss to make an effort to tell her I found my purse again- I'm lucky enough. I just stay silent and listened to all she has to say. Me thinking silently, in the purse, all the money is my money, mom. I earned them with my labor work. After I lost them, I'm crying- inside me as well. I tried so hard to pretend that I don't care and I will work harder to earn it back. I know how hard daddy works for us. I know more than you do. I know daddy is struggling for us, mom. Bare with me 2 more years, I can do it as well. I'll earn all you gave and pay you back. I'm aiming for it. I'm trying really hard. When you said those words, it hurts, it really does. I can feel as if the knife stabbed right into my heart.

Deep down inside me is full of scar, you didn't realize that all her words do count and accumulates. I hope not to mentally breakdown. This is not the first time for all this hurtful words and i know it won't be the last time. I'm trying to avoid to hear all this words, therefore being in-denial serve the best. This is so pathetic isn't it? I should forget the negative side of it and move on.

Why can't people think ways in both sides? Why they always blame you before they know the truth?

Mom, I'm sorry to spend more than you expected to- grow me up. I'll for sure pay back, no matter how hard it takes. I swear, I'll repay you even it take a life time. Dad, I always do feel guilty for you, there is no doubt on that- I'm sorry again. I bet you'll not have such a daughter like me in your next life- I wished you to have a good life. Sorry that I've to always burdened you. This will be the last I've ever need from you dad, please bare with me. It is coming to an end for sure.

Folks, always think at the the pros and cons. Nothing can ever be perfect.

I lost my purse..!

WTH, really unbelievable... shits do happen, unexpectedly. I really can't understand why this happen on me. This is annoying and frustrating! I lost my purse when I'm actually enjoying a day trip at Sydney. I'm not sure whether it is a pick pocket or I drop it. Damn... This is the worst feeling ever I had. However, I'm blessed there are friends to guide me what to do. Call to bank and credit cards company to de-activate the cards. This is really shitty. At least, I'm not losing sth important, i suppose.

This teach us, to keep an eye on everything, you might have it this minute but lose it unnoticed the next seconds. God damn it!

Give me my purse back! pls.... I beg for some mercy...

freestyle at brisbane...

This is a super duper YUM desert i ever had. It is a cafe named "FREESTYLE," that serve extraordinary YUM deserts. I mean some of them. For sure, I'll show you some nice picture that I've snapped.

Yes, aren't they pretty. They're, indeed, delicious. Although it fulfilled my appetite, it makes me feel guilty after having them. I can imagine how much sugar and fat the food content and the extra calories I'm having. No doubt that I've gained some weight. They're irresistible, indulgence of life- chocolate, lollies, ice-cream and etc. They're all high in sugar and fat, I've named them as "DEVIL's FOOD!" They are like the devils in real life that makes me gain lots n lots of weight!

Boring....

Heaps boring here...

I'm trying to handmade, my bf's b'day card. It is unbelievably hard. Damn it... The ingredient to make the cards is always lacking of this and that! Bought heaps stuff still can't manage to finish up the card!

I believe, the handmade, cards are worth it's price. trust me, it is more than just a card. It is really time consuming! maybe i'm not talented at all. Been working on this card couple days... hope that i can finish it...

oh man... printer's not working.. can't print things out. It is time to change a printer!

I'm impressed..!

These days, blogger actually can earn a living. Aren't it impressive? This is another career for people. So mate, what are you people waiting. Keep blogging and impress others with your blog. You might be the next popular or to say "hottest" blogger.

I heard from my friend, actually in S'pore, the bloggers do challenge each other and worst come to worst, there are a court case. Isn't it hilarious? What is on people's mind? Anyway, I can't be bothered with those.

I think blogging provides me room to be the true me, escape from real life. A place for me to hide from the reality and have peace in mind.

Anyway, people, i'm not a "PRO-BLOGGER," I'll stop here with my stories...

HAve a nice day, folks.

Cheers~~

感动得流泪。。！

一时的冲动。。。我在想，我到底会不会呢？
我的朋友今天生日，我们买了一份礼物给她。 可是，就是很普通的仪式而已。但当她收了另外一份礼物时，当场流泪。。。 那个感觉很不自在，可是也是很难得的一次。
我第一次看见这一幕的表情，发呆了一下。原来眼泪也可以是开心，感谢 和高兴的。
回想起来了这些年的我，有过这么的一次冲动流泪吗？答案很明显，我没有。回忆里只出现了一片空白。我哭，是因伤心-可怜的我。我知道想这一刻一定是很珍贵，也是很难得的一次。要有这个效果，一定要个很要好的朋友才行。他/她要了解你的一切，而可以知道你的需要。不许很贵，不许豪华， 只需要一个可以打动你的心窗的礼物。
它可以是一句话，一个字，一样对别人很不起眼的小玩意儿，但在收货人的心目中有一个无可取代的位置。
这真的很难，我到目前为此还没有哪个福份，所以只好默默的等待。。。
难得的一个经验。
我也要开心地流泪。。。 不再享有悲剧的出现，可以吗？

Adrenaline is working hard!

yeah, it is the "fight-or-flight" hormone- it plays a central role of short-term stress hormone.

Yes, this is obviously drilling in me now! Exams around the corner, and I'm not ready. I know if i get more time, I'll still not be ready for it. This is the dilemma in me and it is always there, indeed.

I'm must study hard.

STOP BUGGING ME!!! After Thursday, I can be a freeman again!

I'm obsessed with all the freedom i could have. Can't wait till then.

Extremely, excited... MOM, I'll be there soon!

Cheers, folks~

Bipolar Disorder.

How can this be? I'm feeling lonely inside me. I don't really know what is going on inside me. Feel kinda depressed, unable too focus.

What the hell... I know this is not the time to think this, i got something more important to work and prepare on. What am I thinking?

I might have bipolar disorder- always get to extremities without a reason.

Hey, Angeline, just keep working on. No time to spare~

Anyone have motivation to spare? I need some motivation here.

Awful Truth!

Me, trying to move forward but i do not have enough motivation to move on.

Seeing people around me moving faster, I'm feeling bad. I know, I'm too narrow-minded. Although it is awful to admit this, it is how I feel. I hate this damn feelings.

I want to get rid of this feeling. God, please help me to bare with this. I don't want to lose my friends, I want to be open-minded. I need to be generous in any sense, especially in this condition. I want to be cool with it- letting the horrified feeling go away from me.

I think I need more assurance from others in any sense. I need to build up a stronger inner me, in order to overcome all this hiding fear in me. This is a new challenge, i suppose. I looked at others and admiring their life. Even it is just a lay person passed by with full confidence.

I shall stop looking and keep moving on, face myself frankly. I need to be strong. I know, if I want to impress someone, the first thing I need to impress is myself. Make myself feel confident in me. Self talk works sometimes for me, though. Letting myself know positive thoughts is good. Reminding myself- mistake is part of the learning process, repetition should be avoided, i suppose.

I need to see a grow in me- mentally build up and well prepared in order to achieve my dreams. As big brother used to say, " there are no free lunch in this world." So it is better to earn your own rights before the world eliminates you to play your part in it.

Tell everyone, you mean much more than just a "lay person."

EARN YOUR RIGHTS TO STAY!

Love ya all, folks. It is time for me to do so.
Gotta catch up with my studies before it is too late to regrets all my deeds.

Cheers, folks...
BE POSITIVE, I'M POSITIVE, I'M POSITIVE...!

YES, I AM!!!!

Another day, another blog.

Yeah, i think I really like blogging.
I can't wait another day to come and i can write my pieces and bits in my life.

Okay, today, i felt that life ain't that easy.
Indeed, peer pressure will directly influence one's final decision, judgment and perspective. Damn it, i hate it. People just can't be true anymore and thence the "lies" make their way into our world.

As people say, this world was covered with "LIES." There are also "WHITE LIES" that are meant to alleviate the sadness and grief. I truly believe some lies do help but most of them sucks.

It is time, to differentiate the truth and lies, as an grown up.

"No pain, no gain!" This is what i learned after all this years.
Everything have it 's own balance point; the homeostatic level must be achieved in order to get the system to operate better. So now, i shall torture myself - read day 'n' night to prepare for the exam. Maybe it may pose me to a brighter future. Who knows?

lol. Enough of crapping. I shall move on.

Cheers, folks.
AZA AZA FIGHTING!!!

Mom is here...

Not here right by my side, but she is at Aus already. I can't wait to see her.
Want to cuddle her so much. God, another week, i can make it..
I'll pass my exam, and then i'll fly all the way to Brisbane to have some fun.

Miss my mom's cooking and scolding. I'm so used to it, even i'm here in aus, i still miss her "extremely loud" voice. She is the only person that are qualified to yell and shout at me. Although, sometimes i'm really pissed, it is still fun to think about it. She yell for my good, but she'll never understand my thinking. Cuz our knowledge/age gap, we have different rationale.

But this doesn't mean, we can't communicate. We used to talk heaps. I hate it the most when she cry, it makes me feel the pain and sadness too. I hope mom will never give up on me, although sometime i'm acting like a barbarian.

MOM, I LOVE U..! I'll b there with you soon... Really soon. 12 more days to go...

Another day passed.

Today, it is my dad's birthday, i hereby wish him a all da best.
Live well, Eat well most of all have fun...
Hardly i can catch a smiley on his face.
He must be always pressured and on stress, i suppose.
Hope things can become better, and he will have a good life.


Me? i just watch a movie, cost me 10 aus, which is not too bad for now, if you convert it to ringgit malaysia, rm... some ppl might not want to watch it. But i get a discounted price, it suppose to be 15 aus. lol. yeah can't believe this, people is paying this much. But luckily, the movie is worth on its price. Ooops.. I forgot to mention which movie I've watched, " it is NARNIA II." At first, i thought i won't really like it, but after the 3 hours in cinema, I'm actually enjoying the movie. Let get a round applause for the mouse in the movie, it is really hilarious with all kind da move it has. lol.. It is so alike to pussy in boots in sherk- the movie.

Anyway, i enjoyed the movie and relax myself from the exams tense.

Proposed... "in my dream..."

it does bothers me a fair bit, by thinking what my future husband gonna be? how will he proposed? Will it be in a casual speaking? Or he'll do sth that it is memorable?

I hope it can be sth special and sweet.
I used to ask my bf, my future, can it be this or that? there is no other answers with only one exception is that he'll say, "If I have the money, anything will be fine." This really turns me off. I know what ever it is gonna be, it'll cost you some money. But even it is in a cheapest way, if it is personally decorated and tailored made, who cares if it is just in a casual dinner. At least, you do sth. say something sweet. It can be in a garden, make it "TAMAN NEGARA." Fair enough?

For god sake, just plan and think of sth that can impress ur love one. is it that hard?
I remembered, my first valentine, is at GENTING casino with him and "frenz"... like a bunch of them. without anything interesting happening. I've been waiting all night long- hoping sth might happen, but none. My first birthday present, i get a cell phone, which is unexpected, but i wish for sth else, such as flowers.

Eventually, after several talks and mumbling, i get a bunch of roses. This really cheers me up heaps. Then, when i go overseas, everything back to nil. I think in his deep thoughts, i'm just a materialistic girl. I'm pretty sure cause no matter what i say, he is repeating himself with the sentence, " If got money, anything will fine." This really shits me out. He got me a pricy watch, TITUS, but it is at least 1-2 weeks after my birthday. if I'm not wrong he bought my birthday present, right on day, i suppose. If I'm lucky enough, I can get it on time (only if I'm in M'sia). This happen at previous year, by the way, i get a swatch. He bought it on the day- my birthday.

Yeah and this is how bad it can be. I don't know do i deserve this. But yes... I know he love me, i know he care, but this is just not the right way. I hope sometime, he just have a plan on our celebration. We've been together for 4 years, we've not planned before.

I'm here at Australia, he is back home (M'sia). i know it is hard to plan things out. But even we get the chance together, valentine or our anniversary- these special dates will forever be empty- just like normal. I always waited till the last minute, to give him a chance to invite me out. But it always end out that, i suggested to have dinner. This is how things always goes about in between us. Why must i always be the one that care about all this? This is unfair. I hope things can change, and god knows maybe one day he can have a plan. I don't need expensive food and celebration, i want it to be romantic, sweet and nice.

Now, I'm thinking that it is time to chill down, and clear up my mind. Maybe this is not important for him - special dates. It is just another day for him. OR maybe this is my problem. Who really cares these dates? I'm suppressing myself to not think of all this shit that will screw my day off.

So, people, cheer up, even ur partner is not going to cheer you up. You live for yourself, and make good use of your precious time. It can't be bother when he is not going to share the joy or sadness with you. Old folks use to say, " the higher you r expectation, the higher your disappointment will be." Which is quite true. Don't expect too much. You'll be the only one who feel the pain.

Cheers, folks~~ sleep tight.

Feeling great!

Today, there is a things that cheers me up... that is my assignment marks...
i get it this time! wohoo...
Before, i always in doubt in my ability of doing all this.
Finally this time, i spotted it right... YES!!
This is the way to gain more self-esteem.
I'm actually not that terrible. I don't always screw things up!
My luck is coming back... lol
Thank god and my "A GONG!" hehe...
I knew I'm always blessed.

Now, I'll work hard for the exam... Nth can be bothered this time.
Break it through, you can do it!
AZA AZA Fighting!

Cheers, folks.
Wish you all the best and good luck.
This wishes is for you and me.

first one in this...

Erm.. it is the first time here, but i guess i'll have more privacy in here.
I hope so... But i realize when i blog i actually just want express my feelings.

I have no where to do this, except here.
i need rooms... to breath in fresh air, and refresh my mind.
I think, me being too pessimistic.
While i say so, i yet still think that, if I notice this, am i still pessimistic?
I'm in a doubt always...
Just like some one who really gonna take their life off, will not keep those words by mouth, am i right? That is my thoughts.
However, i know i must move on, no matter what happens..
I need to be successful, if i can't do it well, at least i can afford to support my family.
I know they don't really need much from me. But i wanna make my parents feel easy and enjoy their remains life time. That is why i'm always in a hurry to grad. i want to earn money and support them, hopefully can bring them luxurious life, vacation and easy going lifestyle.. minimize their worries. I want to let them know, i'm no longer the small girl that just keep demending. it is time for me to give in for the family.
DAD n MOM, pls gimme sometime. I'm sure i can make it up for u people.
I'll work hard and will not give up. All I need is 2 more years.. hope it is not too long for you people. ME as an adult, can work this out, for sure.